Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
