Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
