i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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