it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
