You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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