oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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