ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
