FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
