You don't have asthma, your pregnant
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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