Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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