The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
