Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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