sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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