he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
