It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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