The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
