CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
