I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Couch. On fire.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
