You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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