Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
