I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
