I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
