I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
