I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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