So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
