Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
