I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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