He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
birth control should be required to get into college
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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