Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
