How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
