yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
God, I missed his penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
