She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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