At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
