If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
