meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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