Already got asked if we're dating
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
