you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
