Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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