she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
