I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
