Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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