I'm eating all of the evidence.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
