I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
