Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
