We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
