it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
