Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
