I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
