David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
