i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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