I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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