I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
