i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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