These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
Holy sore nipples Batman
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
