I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's always time for handjobs
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
