What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
