I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
