how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
